The Witcher is the talk of the town once more thanks to the recent success of the Netflix series adapted from the books that inspired the incredible games by CD Projekt RED. With interest in Geralt at an all-time high, book and game sales have been through the roof but if you play The Witcher 3 and don’t have an awkward sexual encounter with a stuffed unicorn did you really play The Witcher 3? Don’t worry, we’ve got you and we’ll make sure you experience The Witcher in all of its weird glory.
5 Weird Things You Need to Do When Playing The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
(Attempt to)Bang a Fish
OK, so Geralt can’t actually bang a fish, that would be weird, but he can take a break from doing the deed on a stuffed unicorn with Yennefer to dabble in some marine life. The Sirens in The Witcher 3 travel in packs and sing a song to make anyone want to bag themselves some one-on-one time. That being said, you wouldn’t actually survive the attempt to get into of these vicious beings’ fish-pants, but you’re more than welcome to try. Just make sure you save first.
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Tell Royalty To F*** Off
Geralt is not a known giver of cares, in fact – his bluntness is part of his charm. In the same vein, Geralt does come face to face with as many members of high society as he does monsters, but that doesn’t mean he’s there to play nice. Players can choose to play the diplomatic witcher or be the ruthless cold hire. Whichever way you choose to go we definitely recommend telling, at the bare minimum, one royal to eat it at least once. It’s oddly satisfying.
Take a Bunch of ‘Shrooms and Go on a Nightmarish Adventure
OK, being a little more serious here, The Witcher 3 is home to some amazing landscapes and areas to explore. Among the experiences available is the Cave of Dreams, which can be found with the Skellige sidequest of the same name, which is as beautiful as it is terrifying.
Geralt can reach this area via boat but be warned: the Cave of Dreams can also be a Cave of Nightmares, making all of those fears come to life in startling detail. Oh, and those in-game hallucinogenic mushrooms we mentioned? It … uh, it’ll be fine. Just roll with it, Geralt will be alright.
Fist Fight a Bloody Troll
Who hasn’t looked at a giant murderous troll and thought “Oi, I’d like to fight you, with my bare hands”. If you say no, you’re lying but that’s OK – we forgive you. That being said, don’t let your dreams be dreams and get into the fist-fighting glory thanks to fighting through the Skellige ranks.
For those that are wanting to be the reigning fist-fighting champ, especially for the three regions involving Skellige, Novigrad, and Velen, there’s one big foe, in particular, you’re going to have to face, and that’s a rock troll. Forget going toe-to-toe, we’re going knuckle-to-knuckle and don’t worry – Geralt’s odds of surviving are mostly good. Sorta…
Geralt in Drag
Imagine unthinkable power but then make it fashion. In probably one of our favorite moments from The Witcher 3, Geralt can get drunk with Lambert and Eskel and then decide to walk, walk, fashion baby during the actual Ugly Baby questline in Kaer Morhem. Who wore it best?
Is this a necessary plot point? No. Is it indescribably awesome and hilarious? Absofreakinglutely. You’re welcome.
There is so much more to do in The Witcher 3 but we hope that some of these are too weird for you to pass up playing for the first time. Or who knows, maybe you’ve played before and didn’t know about Geralt in Drag and this was the excuse you needed for another playthrough.
Whichever way the wind takes you: have fun, don’t forget to re-spec Geralt, and give Roach all of the love and kisses(If you can find her, check the roof) because she’s worth it. Happy hunting Witchers!
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With an arguably unhealthy obsession with Dragon Age and Mass Effect, Liana is wildly passionate about all things in the gaming community. From shooters to RPGs, if it’s out – she’s playing it. A medically retired US Sailor and now full-time hoarder of gaming collectibles, Liana’s passion for everything in the gaming industry is palpable. Also, if you lose her in a crowd, just casually mention any BioWare game and the crazy pterodactyl screech will without a doubt follow. You can follow her on Twitter @DirtyEffinHippy.